I am launching my blog, “What Would June Do?” which will explore various topics such as parenting in the super-parent era, raising a special needs child, and other issues in today’s society while asking the question: “What Would June (Cleaver) Do?” For those of the younger readers, June Cleaver is the “perfect” mother from Leave It To Beaver which was a television show in the late 50’s & early 60’s. For my first post, I am focusing on fathers (after all, it is Father’s Day).
Today is Father’s Day and my son is spending it with my husband on a plane ride home from California. The two of them spent the week, along with my cousin, visiting Hollywood, LA, Disneyland and all that California has to offer (the good, the bad and the weird). It was a dream come true for my son as he has serious career aspirations to make movies (he is only 11 but is a cross between Tim Burton/Jim Carrey with a dash of Quentin Tarantino…yes, life is always entertaining and a little strange at my house). My husband and I encourage him to follow his dreams and are seriously relying on his success in Hollywood as our 401K…you think I am kidding but I am not. Really, does anyone have savings these days? Back to the trip - it really has been a wonderful opportunity for my husband and son to spend some quality time together.
Some may ask why I didn’t go and the answer is simple. I had to stay at home to take care of our daughter who has multiple disabilities including a seizure disorder. If we all could have gone then we might have had the courage (and patience) to load up my daughter’s wheelchair, feeding pump, emergency seizure medicine and all of the other many items required to care for her and board a plane to the sunny California! However, my husband only had 2 free plane tickets and the reality is that we don’t have anyone that could take care of her for that extended period of time. No offense to the amazing people who take care of my daughter, but that extended amount of time caring for her 24/7 is unrealistic at this time. Plus, I would be a nervous wreck the entire time I was there so it would defeat the purpose of a vacation. Once again, we have found ourselves in a familiar situation of being a part – each of us taking care of one of the children. To us, this is just a part of life.
Parenting a child with multiple disabilities and medical needs is beyond a full time job. It comes with all of the duties of parenting …just on steroids. There are the doctor’s appointments, therapies, medical bills, planned and unplanned surgeries, medical emergencies, decisions on what medical equipment to purchase, finding a school that can meet our daughter’s needs - just to name a few. The day to day responsibilities can be overwhelming to say the least. Whenever my husband is traveling I am reminded by his absence of all the things that he does when he is here. Women, including myself, are experts in pointing out what is wrong with our husbands, what they did that drove us crazy or more importantly, what they should have done but didn’t because they couldn’t read our minds. Today on Father’s Day, I would like to acknowledge and thank my husband for what he does do.
My husband loves both of our children unconditionally. Our son looks up to him and admires his intelligence and life experiences. Our daughter lights up when he walks into the room or when she hears his voice. He melts when she does these things – like often fathers do with their daughters. He sat vigilant next to her bedside when she became gravely ill at only 3 weeks old, even after having just started a new job. He lets me take a nap or escape for a rare lunch with friends when life becomes overwhelming (especially when I have been up with her all night). While I do the majority of both our children’s day to day care, he is out providing for our family. He has been the leveled headed one looking out for our family’s security when I would have sold everything to try some unsubstantiated treatment with so called guaranteed results when there was no evidence of such. He is the voice of reason (well, most of the time – he has been known to be dramatic once in a while, to put it nicely). But joking aside, he often points out reality of the situation, which I (being a southerner) like to ignore or put aside. Like Scarlett O’Hara said in Gone With the Wind, “I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow” (the southern woman’s battle cry). When I get off track and don’t want to make a decision, he steers me back on track. He is fiercely protective of us and tries to hold things together when life gets chaotic. He is truly my partner in life whom I rely on more then he realizes. I can talk to him about things that others just don’t understand – parenting a child with special needs is a “you have to experience it before you can understand it” kind of life experiences.
Today, I say “Happy Father’s Day dear. I am thankful to have you as my partner in this crazy, amazing, stressful, meaningful, mess and gift called parenthood and I love you dearly. You are a wonderful husband and father to our children.”
So the question of “What Would June Do” isn’t so simple to answer. I think June might try to put on a smile while wearing her apron and pearls and tell Ward, “Everything will be just fine.” She might tell him that she could take on all of the domestic responsibilities of keeping the house while raising two children with extra needs. But deep down, somewhere inside her “perfect” persona, she would be doubtful and a little scared. Wondering how she would balance it all while holding it together for the family. She might even ask Ward to help out from time to time, but I don’t think I could see him taking the kids to the doctor or sitting through physical therapy. So, honey, Ward Cleaver has nothing on you. He could never handle all of the extra things you do!
I ask that those of you, who know our family, please refrain from using last names or other identifiers in the comment section. Thank you!
